Netflicks should realize that i'm very much single and STOP recommending romantic comedies to me (an old unpublished post)

I don't like romantic comedies.

I know that it sort of goes against my genetic makeup, and at one time i did enjoy them, but now i don't. the reason why? i'm single and they are full of bullshit. and i know i'm not making some huge life altering statement that will ruin the rom-com industry forever. most women know the movies are unrealistically romantic. but the unrealistic romance combined with a single woman's hormonal surge of wanting unrealistic romance when she sees it does not make for a pretty combination. what used to make me sad and lonely now just pisses me off... and makes me lonely. but mostly just angry.

stuck in my head

i've had the opening line of a story stuck in my head for days and i wanted to write it down and think on it. then i decided that it would be better if other people thought on it instead. it's a dreadful realistic fiction story about all kinds forms of love, believed in and not believed in. so tell me what you think...


I'm not the kind of heroine you root for.
I'm the kind you want to grab by the shoulders and shake some sense into.
I was born at the end of the generation of "everyone is special" and at the very beginning of generation "entitlement." These two would have been a dangerous combination if I had not made the realization that when everyone is special, no one is and therefore you aren't special enough to be entitled to anything. So in the world of mediocrity that inhabit so skillfully, I find myself entering my third year at a state college with all the lovely fixings of debt, not enough time, hourly wages of desperation, and the remains of the programed desire to want to do well in school.
But I have one bright spot in my self clouded sky: Ainsley.
Ainsley didn't happen into my life by accident. At least not by my accident anyway. That mistake would belong to her mother, my best friend Clara, while under the influence of substance amore, a few months into her freshman year. However, since that fateful morning of a plastic stick with a blue plus sign, I've purposefully and doggedly stayed by the side of Clara and perhaps more accurately Ainsley. Clara is the spring wind, refreshing, chilling, and unpredictable. We've been roommates our entire college career, or my career at least. Clara is there when she can be. She seemed to have bought all that I rejected from our generation mash-up and in a disturbing way I love her for it. She is as special and entitled as I could dream to be if I dared let myself dream of anything.

it's cecily's 7th birthday and since i never post about cecily (that was sarcasm...) i want to do seven traits of cecily that i adore.
#1: SNUGGLER. she still fits perfectly in my arms and i'm positive she always will. no matter how much she grows i think that will always be a spot made for her and for now she loves occupying it.
 #2 she's a THINKER. the way she can connect ideas, i'm pretty sure she'll be smarter than me by next year, if she isn't smarter already.
#3 she's a DREAMER. she longs to travel to faraway places, hopes that there is some way for her to be a princess/muskateer/ballerina/veterinarian/singer/actress in her future, and spends most of her day singing her own soundtrack.
 #4 BRAVE. my girl is brave, whether it's pulling her own teeth or moving to a new place. she puts herself out there.
#5 GENEROUS. generous with her love, her forgiveness, with her hugs, with her toys (i mean most of the time, she's not a saint), with her heart, with her notes (i could wallpaper a room with all the little notes she gives me) and last but not least with her dramatics ☺
#6: OPTIMISTIC. she will always look for the bright side, especially if the bright side means someone she loves will be happy.
#7: BEAUTIFUL. not just her sprinkle of freckles, or her wide green eyes, or sweet little lips, but also her laugh, quick smile, her ever-reading, ever-learning brain, her giant heart, her gentle hands that still love to be held everywhere we go, her tears that brim when she thinks of those she loves, her desire to kiss and cuddle every baby we pass, the way she tip-toes into a room when she thinks you are sleeping and covers you with a blanket. my girl is beautiful. and i am blessed.

Well, HEY!

Oh my gosh! I have a blog!
I was updating my current city on facebook to Peoria (I know it's only been 2 1/2 months, I'm kind of an overachiever...) and found the link to my blog! it was very exciting.
So, first things first. Yes the universe does change with sticker charts. The only problem is that they have to be filled out by sister-who-is-awesome, so we are without motivation right now and the universe settled back down into it's usual place, around the hips.
Also, in case you missed the information above, I did move to Arizona. Yes it is hot. Painfully hot. I'd like to say I'm getting used to it, but I'm not. People keep telling me that I'll love the winter. I'm not going to get that optimistic yet.
And of course all the usual is still in place: still teaching middle school, still have the most awesome kid ever, still single, and still eating cereal for as many meals as possible. I have ambitions of course, mostly involving not being single and trying to cook more, but once I reach them, then what can I be sarcastic and bitter about? So for now I'm staying par for the course.
Also, it's the Bug's birthday so I'm going to copy and paste all the sweet things I said about her on facebook and put them on here. Not because I couldn't say more, but because I did a damn good job writing the first batch and lightning doesn't strike twice!

The answer to ALL of life's problems

HOW TO DRAMATICALLY IMPROVE YOUR LIFE AND EXPONENTIALLY INCREASE YOUR HAPPINESS IN 3 EASY STEPS:

Step 1: Make a sticker chart.

Step 2:...... the numbers are still being crunched on this one but it definitely has to do with the sticker chart.

Step 3: (see above)

a little nugget

i decided, somewhat randomly, that today i would work on filing old papers. this is a task that i have started several times, but have never really completed. today was no different. however, i did find an piece of writing i did a few years ago. it is about cecily and i thought it was still so descriptive of how i see her (though older, obviously) that i wanted to share. so here is Rosy Yellow:

i think sometimes she is acutely aware of the role she plays in this world. her blue eyes twinkle in a moment of laughing importance. her marshmallow arms wave as she gathers up momentum only to pull them in tight to her chest with excitement. i think sometimes i could throw her high in the air and she would float there like a cloud blending in with the heavens. everyone would see her and comment on the beautiful colors in the sunset, or exclaim "what a perfect day! the sun seems to be shining extra bright." she would cast the light of lovers sight. but just as soon as i would place her in the heavens i would pull her back down by the hem of her pants so she could be with me again. i wish everyone had her love, but am selfish enough to be the one who wants to keep it; swimming like a fish in the joy it brings. her wiggling wobbly giggles wake up the sleepy youth in me as she waits to give me more. you can ask anyone who has been in a room with her, and lucky for this town there have been many, and all would smile when they hard her name. a piece of joy she is, the smell of fresh chocolate chip cookies wrapped in a cloak of rosy yellow daisies. Cecily.

poem thingys

what's nice about being an english teacher is that when you make students do a certain style of writing, you sometimes feel inclined to do that writing as well. so my kids are doing poetry right now and that has spurred some recent ramblings from me, which for some reason i feel the need to share with you. sometimes i think that writing about my sister calling me a writer is a blessing and a curse for both of us, it holds me accountable to continue writing, but then it makes me feel obligated to post my writing. and well the rest is all your misfortune. so here we go:

amiable is what we aim for
it's curiosity
of independent co dependence
that keeps the crazy
from controlling
her composure.
cute and crass she's
charming in her
confidence and compliments
-to the casual
observer.

humming to herself
-in public no less-
her happiness is
hearsay
even to her ears.
but she continues
swinging her shopping bags
as heads turn.
unaware, culpable for
and in control
of the hints she's sending
simply said:
amiable is what we aim for.



NEXT!

blessing from Mother Nature

Your first intake of sweet,

life-giving air,

will be from the gust of my

wind blown blessing to you:

May the storms of your life

be summer rains

that rejuvenate and affirm

with every downpour.

May all your nights

be promises

And your sunrises crowded in

mists

bringing clarity to your

surroundings

in simple snapshots of ordinary beauty.

May your tree

of truth and understanding

grow, unhindered

by circumstance,

to mighty depths and

height

finding light and water

in the dry shadows.

May the breezes and waves

that scatter

bring chills of delight and

anticipation

as they direct you

places of

creative insight.

May your long journey

be guided with

sweet earth and

soft grass,

trimmed with

whispering meadows

for contemplation

and comfort.

stay one with me,

wholly as you,

and your last breath will be as

sweet

as the first.