as i mentioned in the previous post, i'm trying to write more. my skill has fallen, but practice makes... better, right? i've always had a problem with being to flowery, being too wordy, etc. so here are two poems telling the same story; one where i'm really wordy and one that's a little more direct.
listening
rich words fall
like variable pearls
dripping from your ruby tongue
my heart expands
from collar bone
to belly button
and the heavy warmth
sprouts wings
making a home in every
corner of me.
my cheeks stretch and warm.
the waterfall of words abruptly
stops.
your mouth open as though another pearl
might fall out,
you look at me
as though I’m the one with
gemstones cascading from my lips.
my cheeks flush,
the winged warmth does
flips in my gut.
sound escapes you.
i anticipate the flutter of opalescent gems-
but it’s simpler
plain, even
And yet more eloquent.
-gag- the romantic element of it makes me want to puke, but it's what comes out on the first go round. here's the second:
Lane change
even in passing conversations-
like now when we’re driving-
he uses more syllables
in one word
than I do in a sentence.
my pulse races and my brain reels
trying to keep up with him.
it’s a weird turn on.
he says something amusing-
i’m concentrating on my driving-
so I simply grin.
he stops-
mid multisyllabic word-
“wow, your smile is amazing”
i blush, check my mirrors to distract myself
and he continues prattling on.
i signal and switch lanes.
…i think i just fell in love.
*i prefer the second.. my old age has made me less of a romantic :)
I like the second one the best!:)
ReplyDeleteLove. It.
ReplyDeleteReading those made me miss you and remember the GOOD days of you and I in the dorms and you reading me all of your writings. Man. That was a long time ago. Takes me back. Kind of how I'm listening to Enya right now, and that totally takes me back to high school when me and a certain someone would drive around and talk for ever and I thought i was so grown up. Love you Amanda.